Quotes

"Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him."
- Aldous Huxley

"People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
- Abraham Lincoln

"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there."
- Will Rogers

Two glasses

A woman is willing to try anything to get her husband off of the sauce. One evening after dinner she brings out two glasses, one full of water and one full of whisky. After dropping a worm in each of them she points out that the worm in water is swimming around while the one in whisky dies instantly. "This is great news!" the man says, "As long as I keep boozing I won't get worms."

Quotes

"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse…you must first BE who you really are, then DO what you need to do, in order to HAVE what you want."
- Margaret Young

"When someone tells you that you can’t go any farther, just tell them to look behind you and see how far you’ve come."
- Lorna Pitre

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself."
- Galileo Galilei

Serious drinking

Two drunks sit down at the bar and get down to their business. The bartender brings them two of their usual and they knock them back. Without a word being spoken, the bartender brings them two more, then two more. But before they have the next drinks, one drunk is feeling good and so he says, "Cheers, my good man!" This annoys the other drunk who snaps back: "Did you come here to drink or talk?"

Quotes

"To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions."
- Deepak Chopra

"It is not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left."
- Hubert Humphrey

"We realize that what we are accomplishing is a drop in the ocean. But if this drop were not in the ocean, it would be missed."
- Mother Theresa

Lost at sea

A drunk in a small boat loses his way and can't find the shore. He spots a strange bottle floating in the water. When he rubs it, out pops a genie that says, "Since you're a drunk, you only get only one wish." Feeling ripped off, but still wanting to make the best of things, the drunk orders the genie, "Make me more beer than I can drink in my lifetime!" Poof! The whole ocean turns into beer. Seeing that the drunk seems unhappy, the genie asks, "What? You don't like it?" The drunk looks around and explains: "Sure, but now I'll have to pee in the boat."

Quotes

"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness."
- The Dalai Lama

"It's like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don't know where your going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It's like the throw of the dice."
- Jim Morrison

"Drink provokes the desire but takes away the performance."
- William Shakespeare

"Better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian."
- Herman Melville

It must be because of the drinking

A doctor spoke frankly with his alcoholic patient, "I can't seem to find an effective treatment for your condition. It must be because of the drinking." The drunk quickly replied, "No problem Doc, I'll come back when you've sobered up."

Johnny Cash 1932-2003

Cash battled drug addiction, alcoholism and brushes with the law.

"How well I have learned that there is no fence to sit on between heaven and hell. There is a deep, wide gulf, a chasm, and in that chasm is no place for any man."
- Johnny Cash

"Life is the question and life is the answer, and God is the reason and love is the way."
- Johnny Cash, from: Love Is The Way

"My daddy left home when I was three and he didn't leave much to Ma and me, just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze."
- Johnny Cash, from: A Boy Named Sue

Serious trouble with his wife

Did you hear about the drunk that got into serious trouble with his wife? She was in the bar looking for him and before he recognized who she was, he made a lewd comment and asked for her phone number."

Quotes

"Reflect upon your present blessings - of which every man has many - not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."
- Charles Dickens

"The miracle is this - the more we share, the more we have."
- Leonard Nimoy

"Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today."
- James Dean

Railroad engineers

Two drunks are crawling along the railroad tracks when one of them asks the other, "Did you ever see such a long staircase?" The other drunk replies, "I don't mind all these stairs, but the low railings are a pain."

WHERE WAS GOD?

How many of us have heard that question "Where was GOD when the World Trade Center was attacked?"

Well, I know where GOD was the morning of September 11, 2001, and He was very busy!

He was trying to discourage people from taking those fatal flights. Those four flights together held over 1000 passengers and there were only 266 aboard.

He was on 4 commercial flights giving terrified passengers the ability to stay calm. Not one of the family members who were called by a loved one on one of the hijacked planes said that passengers were screaming in the background...

He was busy trying to create obstacles for employees at the World Trade Center. After all, only around 20,000 were at the towers when the first jet hit. Since the buildings held over 50,000 workers, this was a Miracle in itself. How many of the people who were employed at the World Trade Center told the media that they were late for work or they had traffic delays?

He was holding up two 110-story buildings so that 2/3 of the workers could get out...And when they did fall, they fell inward. GOD didn't allow them to topple over, as many more lives would have been lost.

And when the buildings went down, GOD picked up almost 6,000 of his children and carried them home with him. Reassuring his frightened children that the worst was over and the best was yet to come.

He sat down and cried that 19 of his children could have so much hate in their hearts...

He sent his best trained children to courageously rescue and recover victims. He brought out their compassion and has given them the strength to tirelessly carry on. He sent volunteers to join in the selfless effort.

He still isn't finished though. He holds the loved ones that were left behind in his arms and He comforts them daily...

So when anyone asks, "Where was GOD on September 11," you can say "everywhere"...

- Author Unknown

Six, five, four...

A drunk sits down at the bar and orders six drinks. After drinking them, he orders five, then only four, and so on. The bartender finally asks him, "What's up with the way you order drinks?" "I think it's weird, too," the drunk replies, "But I promised my wife I'd try to cut back on my drinking."

Quotes

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."
- Henry Drummond

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
- Harold Whitman

Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it
and whispers, "Grow, grow."
- The Talmud

Life

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
- by Mother Teresa

A round for everyone

A drunk walks into a bar and proudly announces, "A round for everyone, it's on me!" A big cheer is heard and everyone has a drink. The drunk looks at the bartender and adds, "Get one for yourself too, my good man." The bartender has a shot of whisky, thanks the drunk, and tells him the total bill comes to $52.50. The truth comes out as the drunk admits he has no money. So the bartender roughs him up and tosses him out. The next day the same drunk walks into the same bar and the bartender says, "Let me guess, you want to buy a round for everyone as well as one for myself." Shaking his head, the drunk replies: "None for you, buddy! You get too violent when you drink."