Tuesday, September 30, 2003


"I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant and warm-blooded to fall into this vice."
- Abraham Lincoln

"Thanks be to God. Since my leaving the drinking of wine, I do find myself much better, and do mind my business better, and do spend less money, and less time lost in idle company."
- Samuel Pepys

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
- Ernest Hemingway

A Penguin

A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" So the bartender asks: "What does he look like?"

Monday, September 29, 2003


"Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will be powerless to vex your mind."
- Leonardo Da Vinci

"A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on."
- Joe E Lewis

"I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it."
- Robert E Lee

A hamburger

A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says: "I'm sorry but we don't serve food here."

Friday, September 26, 2003


"Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which comes the inner voice which says, "This is the real me," and when you have found that attitude, follow it."
- William James

"Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer."
- Henry Lawson

"I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver."
- Phil Harris

Catching the Ferry

A drunk from Victoria was on a binge in Vancouver and needed to catch the ferry to get home. He didn't like the idea of waiting for the next one so he made a run for it, jumped about six feet, grabbed on and pulled himself onboard. With his shirt torn and bruises on his face from the leap, he looked at a man watching and said, "Well I sure made that one, didn't I?" The man replied: "You sure did, but it would have been easier to wait until it docks in one minute."

Thursday, September 25, 2003


"I have found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It is the ultimate source of success in life."
- The Dalai Lama

"There are some sluggish men who are improved by drinking; as there are fruits that are not good until they are rotten."
- Samuel Johnson

"Even though a number of people have tried, no one has ever found a way to drink for a living."
- Jean Kerr

What time does the bar open?

A front desk clerk at a hotel is working the night shift when the house phone rings at 3 AM. "What time does the bar open?" a drunk on the line asks him. "Not until noon, good night," the clerk says. An hour later same thing, "I've already told you, the bar doesn't open until noon," and the clerk hangs up. Another hour later the drunk phones again with the same question. Seeing no end to this, the clerk offers to break the after-hours rule and have some liquor sent up to the man's room. The drunk replies: "That sounds great, but you don't understand. I'm not looking to get into the bar, I'm trying to get out."

Wednesday, September 24, 2003


"We are what we repeatedly do."
- Aristotle

"To be is to do."
- Socrates

"Do be do be do."
- Frank Sinatra

The difference between a gambler and a drunk

A gambler and a drunk are in a bar. The drunk says, "Lets make a bet! If one of us can drink 10 pints of beer without stopping, the other guy pays the tab and owes the winner $100."
The gambler goes first and only gets through 5 pints in a row before he runs to the men's room to get sick.
Then it's the drunk's turn. First, he excuses himself, comes back 20 minutes later and chugs 10 pints one after the other.
As the gambler is paying the tab and giving the drunk his $100 he asks, "By the way, where did you go for 20 minutes?" The drunk says: "I went to the pub next door to see if I could actually do it."

Tuesday, September 23, 2003


"The more we empty ourselves, the more room we give God to fill us."
- Mother Teresa

"People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim."
- Ann Landers

"In the course of history many more people have died for their drink and their dope than have died for their religion or their country."
- Aldous Huxley

He's in the dog house now

A drunk wakes up after a binge and finds his dog next to him instead of his wife. "Oh no," he thinks to himself, "I must have been really drunk...but at least this explains all the screaming when I thought I was putting the dog out for the night."

Monday, September 22, 2003


"Respect yourself and others will respect you."
- Confucius

"The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. "
- John F. Kennedy

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."
- Albert Einstein


A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "That will be $5. And by the way, we don't get many horses in here." The horse glares back at him and says: "At $5 a beer, I'm not surprised."

Friday, September 19, 2003


"Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him."
- Aldous Huxley

"People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
- Abraham Lincoln

"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there."
- Will Rogers

Two glasses

A woman is willing to try anything to get her husband off of the sauce. One evening after dinner she brings out two glasses, one full of water and one full of whisky. After dropping a worm in each of them she points out that the worm in water is swimming around while the one in whisky dies instantly. "This is great news!" the man says, "As long as I keep boozing I won't get worms."

Thursday, September 18, 2003


"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse…you must first BE who you really are, then DO what you need to do, in order to HAVE what you want."
- Margaret Young

"When someone tells you that you can’t go any farther, just tell them to look behind you and see how far you’ve come."
- Lorna Pitre

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself."
- Galileo Galilei

Serious drinking

Two drunks sit down at the bar and get down to their business. The bartender brings them two of their usual and they knock them back. Without a word being spoken, the bartender brings them two more, then two more. But before they have the next drinks, one drunk is feeling good and so he says, "Cheers, my good man!" This annoys the other drunk who snaps back: "Did you come here to drink or talk?"

Wednesday, September 17, 2003


"To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions."
- Deepak Chopra

"It is not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left."
- Hubert Humphrey

"We realize that what we are accomplishing is a drop in the ocean. But if this drop were not in the ocean, it would be missed."
- Mother Theresa

Lost at sea

A drunk in a small boat loses his way and can't find the shore. He spots a strange bottle floating in the water. When he rubs it, out pops a genie that says, "Since you're a drunk, you only get only one wish." Feeling ripped off, but still wanting to make the best of things, the drunk orders the genie, "Make me more beer than I can drink in my lifetime!" Poof! The whole ocean turns into beer. Seeing that the drunk seems unhappy, the genie asks, "What? You don't like it?" The drunk looks around and explains: "Sure, but now I'll have to pee in the boat."

Tuesday, September 16, 2003


"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness."
- The Dalai Lama

"It's like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don't know where your going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It's like the throw of the dice."
- Jim Morrison

"Drink provokes the desire but takes away the performance."
- William Shakespeare

"Better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian."
- Herman Melville

It must be because of the drinking

A doctor spoke frankly with his alcoholic patient, "I can't seem to find an effective treatment for your condition. It must be because of the drinking." The drunk quickly replied, "No problem Doc, I'll come back when you've sobered up."

Monday, September 15, 2003

Johnny Cash 1932-2003

Cash battled drug addiction, alcoholism and brushes with the law.

"How well I have learned that there is no fence to sit on between heaven and hell. There is a deep, wide gulf, a chasm, and in that chasm is no place for any man."
- Johnny Cash

"Life is the question and life is the answer, and God is the reason and love is the way."
- Johnny Cash, from: Love Is The Way

"My daddy left home when I was three and he didn't leave much to Ma and me, just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze."
- Johnny Cash, from: A Boy Named Sue

Serious trouble with his wife

Did you hear about the drunk that got into serious trouble with his wife? She was in the bar looking for him and before he recognized who she was, he made a lewd comment and asked for her phone number."

Friday, September 12, 2003


"Reflect upon your present blessings - of which every man has many - not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."
- Charles Dickens

"The miracle is this - the more we share, the more we have."
- Leonard Nimoy

"Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today."
- James Dean

Railroad engineers

Two drunks are crawling along the railroad tracks when one of them asks the other, "Did you ever see such a long staircase?" The other drunk replies, "I don't mind all these stairs, but the low railings are a pain."

Thursday, September 11, 2003


How many of us have heard that question "Where was GOD when the World Trade Center was attacked?"

Well, I know where GOD was the morning of September 11, 2001, and He was very busy!

He was trying to discourage people from taking those fatal flights. Those four flights together held over 1000 passengers and there were only 266 aboard.

He was on 4 commercial flights giving terrified passengers the ability to stay calm. Not one of the family members who were called by a loved one on one of the hijacked planes said that passengers were screaming in the background...

He was busy trying to create obstacles for employees at the World Trade Center. After all, only around 20,000 were at the towers when the first jet hit. Since the buildings held over 50,000 workers, this was a Miracle in itself. How many of the people who were employed at the World Trade Center told the media that they were late for work or they had traffic delays?

He was holding up two 110-story buildings so that 2/3 of the workers could get out...And when they did fall, they fell inward. GOD didn't allow them to topple over, as many more lives would have been lost.

And when the buildings went down, GOD picked up almost 6,000 of his children and carried them home with him. Reassuring his frightened children that the worst was over and the best was yet to come.

He sat down and cried that 19 of his children could have so much hate in their hearts...

He sent his best trained children to courageously rescue and recover victims. He brought out their compassion and has given them the strength to tirelessly carry on. He sent volunteers to join in the selfless effort.

He still isn't finished though. He holds the loved ones that were left behind in his arms and He comforts them daily...

So when anyone asks, "Where was GOD on September 11," you can say "everywhere"...

- Author Unknown

Six, five, four...

A drunk sits down at the bar and orders six drinks. After drinking them, he orders five, then only four, and so on. The bartender finally asks him, "What's up with the way you order drinks?" "I think it's weird, too," the drunk replies, "But I promised my wife I'd try to cut back on my drinking."

Wednesday, September 10, 2003


"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."
- Henry Drummond

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
- Harold Whitman

Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it
and whispers, "Grow, grow."
- The Talmud


Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
- by Mother Teresa

A round for everyone

A drunk walks into a bar and proudly announces, "A round for everyone, it's on me!" A big cheer is heard and everyone has a drink. The drunk looks at the bartender and adds, "Get one for yourself too, my good man." The bartender has a shot of whisky, thanks the drunk, and tells him the total bill comes to $52.50. The truth comes out as the drunk admits he has no money. So the bartender roughs him up and tosses him out. The next day the same drunk walks into the same bar and the bartender says, "Let me guess, you want to buy a round for everyone as well as one for myself." Shaking his head, the drunk replies: "None for you, buddy! You get too violent when you drink."

Tuesday, September 09, 2003


"Don't give up on yourself, because you never know what's around the corner."

"Not winning the lottery is not a personal problem."

"I like wherever I am. That's my big secret."

- all by Warren Zevon

Why Warren Zevon Was Cool

Singer-songwriter Warren Zevon died 7 September 2003 after a much-publicized fight with lung cancer. He sought out alcoholism treatment and had been sober for nearly 18 years.

I don't want to

A drunk gets on the bus and sits down next to an elderly lady. Disgusted, she says to him,"Young man I've got news for you, you're going straight to hell." "I don't want to go to hell" the drunk says, "I must have got on the wrong bus."

Monday, September 08, 2003


"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
- Janis Joplin

If you get up one more time than you fall, you will make it through.
- Chinese Proverb

"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances."
- Martha Washington

The War Within

How funny life is,
That the path to peace
Is through submission,
Not strength and defiance.

How funny life is,
That to soar in happiness
I must wade through the past
And drown inthe pain.

How frail my life,
When I counter fear
With the agony
Of arrogance.

How barren my life,
When a simple kiss of companionship
Leads me to the throne of loneliness.

How fragile my life,
That an imaginary accent to power
Leads me to the reality of self-destruction.

Nay to them all!

The path to power is through humility,
The serenity of peace is through war with ego,
The abundance of happiness is through charity
The joy of companionship is through singularity.

How peaceful life will be,
If I let His hand
Pulsate my heart,and
Spark my imagination.
The war within is won if I lose.
- Written by Dean R

Got to hand it to him

Two drunks were at the bar when one of them passed out, fell off his stool, and lay on the floor unconscious. "I've got to hand it to my buddy," the other drunk said to the bartender, "He always knows when to quit."

Friday, September 05, 2003


"I have so much to do that I spend several hours in prayer before I am able to do it."
- John Wesley

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
- Helen Keller

"And life is what we make it.
Always has been, always will be."
- Grandma Moses

Three wishes

A drunk is having his daily swill when he sees a strange lamp at the end of the bar. He reaches over, rubs it, and out pops a genie. "You have three wishes," the genie says in a booming voice. The drunk gets excited: "I want a beer mug that is always full!" Zap, there's a beer in his hand and before he can finish guzzling it, it's full again. "You have two more wishes, think carefully," the genie warns him.
The drunk doesn't hestate and quickly says, "Give me two more of these."

Thursday, September 04, 2003


"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does."
- William James

"The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues."
- Elizabeth Taylor

There is nothing noble about being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self.
- Hindu Proverb

Slams into a mailbox

A drunk is stumbling home from the bar in the middle of the night, slams into a mailbox and falls down. On his knees, he feels one side of the mail box, crawls to the next side, feels it, and so on. After crawling around feeling the mailbox from all four sides, he yells out: "Help! I can't get out, I'm trapped in here."

Wednesday, September 03, 2003


"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."
- Mother Teresa

"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth."
- Muhammad Ali

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
- Albert Einstein

The Bouncer and the jumper cables

Riddle: What did the bouncer say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar?
Answer: We don't want any trouble, so make sure you don't start anything.

Tuesday, September 02, 2003


"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these."
- George Washington Carver


"I have failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
- Michael Jordan

What was that all about?

A man sits down at a bar, puts an empty jar in front him, and orders a martini. He takes the olive out of the glass, gulps down the martini and orders another. He goes on to do the same thing over and over for about an hour until he pays the bartender, puts the jar in his pocket and goes to leave. The curiosity is killing the bartender, so he asks the customer, "It may be none of my business, but what was that all about?"
"Oh nothing," the man replies, "My wife sent me out for a jar of olives."


"Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got."
- WC Fields

Monday, September 01, 2003

Slips and Human Nature...by William Duncan Silkworth, M.D.

The mystery of slips is not so deep as it may appear. While it does seem odd that an alcoholic, who has restored himself to a dignified place among his fellowmen and continues dry for years, should suddenly throw all his happiness overboard and find himself again in mortal peril of drowning in liquor, often the reason is simple.

People are inclined to say, "there is something peculiar about alcoholics. They seem to be well, yet at any moment they may turn back to their old ways. You can never be sure."

This is largely twaddle. The alcoholic is a sick person. Under the technique of Alcoholics Anonymous he gets well - that is to say, his disease is arrested. There is nothing unpredictable about him any more than there is anything weird about a person who has arrested diabetes.

Let's get it clear, once and for all, that alcoholics are human beings. Then we can safeguard ourselves intelligently against most slips.

In both professional and lay circles, there is a tendency to label everything that an alcoholic may do as "alcoholic behavior." The truth is, it is simple human nature.

It is very wrong to consider any of the personality traits observed in liquor addicts as peculiar to the alcoholic. Emotional and mental quirks are classified as symptoms of alcoholism merely because alcoholics have them, yet those same quirks can be found among non-alcoholics too. Actually they are symptoms of mankind!

Of course, the alcoholic himself tends to think of himself as different, somebody special, with unique tendencies and reactions. Many psychiatrists, doctors, and therapists carry the same idea to extremes in their analyses and treatment of alcoholics.

Sometimes they make a complicated mystery of a condition which is found in all human beings, whether they drink whiskey or buttermilk.

To be sure, alcoholism, like every other disease, does manifest itself in some unique ways. It does have a number of baffling peculiarities which differ from those of all other diseases.

At the same time, any of the symptoms and much of the behavior of alcoholism are closely paralleled and even duplicated in other diseases.

The slip is a relapse! It is a relapse that occurs after the alcoholic has stopped drinking and started on the A.A. program of recovery. Slips usually occur in the early states of the alcoholic's A.A. indoctrination, before he has had time to learn enough of the A.A. techniques and A.A. philosophy to give him a solid footing. But slips may also occur after an alcoholic has been a member of A.A. for many months or even several years, and it is in this kind, above all, that often finds a marked similarity between the alcoholic's behavior and that of "normal" victims of other diseases.

No one is startled by the fact that relapses are not uncommon among arrested tubercular patients. But here is a startling fact - the cause is often the same as the cause which leads to slips for the alcoholic.

It happens this way: When a tubercular patient recovers sufficiently to be released from the sanitarium, the doctor gives him careful instructions for the way he is to live when he gets home. He must drink plenty of milk. He must refrain from smoking. He must obey other stringent rules.

For the first several months, perhaps for several years, the patient follows directions. But as his strength increases and he feels fully recovered, he becomes slack. There may come the night when he decides he can stay up until ten o'clock. When he does this, nothing untoward happens. Soon he is disregarding the directions given him when he left the sanitarium. Eventually he has a relapse.

The same tragedy can be found in cardiac cases. After the heart attack, the patient is put on a strict rests schedule. Frightened, he naturally follows directions obediently for a long time. He, too, goes to bed early, avoids exercise such as walking upstairs, quits smoking, and leads a Spartan life. Eventually, though there comes a day, after he has been feeling good for months or several years, when he feels he has regained his strength, and has also recovered from his fright. If the elevator is out of repair one day, he walks up the three flights of stairs. Or he decides to go to a party - or do just a little smoking - or take a cocktail or two. If no serious aftereffects follow the first departure from the rigorous schedule prescribed, he may try it again, until he suffers a relapse.

In both cardiac and tubercular cases, the acts which led to the relapses were preceded by wrong thinking. The patient in each case rationalized himself out of a sense of his own perilous reality. He deliberately turned away from his knowledge of the fact that he had been the victim of a serious disease. He grew overconfident. He decided he didn't have to follow directions.

Now that is precisely what happens with the alcoholic - the arrested alcoholic, or the alcoholic in A.A. who has a slip. Obviously, he decides to take a drink again some time before he actually takes it. He starts thinking wrong before he actually embarks on the course that leads to a slip.

There is no reason to charge the slip to alcoholic behavior or a second heart attack to cardiac behavior. The alcoholic slip is not a symptom of a psychotic condition. There's nothing screwy about it at all. The patient simply didn't follow directions.

For the alcoholic, A.A. offers the directions. A vital factor, or ingredient of the preventive, especially for the alcoholic, is sustained emotion. The alcoholic who learns some of the techniques or the mechanics of A.A. but misses the philosophy or the spirit may get tired off following directions - not because he is alcoholic, but because he is human. Rules and regulations irk almost anyone, because they are restraining, prohibitive, negative. The philosophy of A.A. however, is positive and provides ample sustained emotion - a sustained desire to follow directions voluntarily.

In any event, the psychology of the alcoholic is not as different as some people try to make it. The disease has certain physical differences, yes, and the alcoholic has problems peculiar to him, perhaps, in that he has been put on the defensive and consequently has developed frustrations. But in many instances, there is no more reason to be talking about "the alcoholic mind" than there is to try to describe something called "the cardiac mind" or the "TB mind."

I think we'll help the alcoholic more if we can first recognize that he is primarily a human being - afflicted with human nature.
(Post from dave+)