DAILY QUOTA:

"However, no two people see the external world in exactly the same way. To every separate person, a thing is what he thinks it is -- in other words, not a thing, but a think."
- Penelope Fitzgerald

"You can't depend on your judgement when your imagination is out of focus."
- Mark Twain

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Thinks wife hates him
A drunk recently got married again and was already complaining to the bartender, "I think my new wife hates me." The bartender wasn't surprised, but decided to be polite, "What makes you think she hates you?" The drunk explained: "I married her for her looks, but not the kind I'm getting lately."

________

New Link
Just added to the dryblog "links" column on the right: Cybriety, Where Recovery Lives! Information about Alcoholics Anonymous History and more! You will find some fabulous archived pictures in their AA Photos section; and if you like games, on the Cybriety home page look for "The Lighter Side" box and click on "Play Booze Invaders"
________

DAILY QUOTA:

"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second. Give your dreams all you've got and you'll be amazed at the energy that comes out of you."
- William James

"When I realized what I had turned out to be was a lousy, two-bit pool hustler and a drunk, I wasn't depressed at all. I was glad to have a profession."
- Danny McGoorty

DAILY QUOTA:

"Life is a succession of lessons, which must be lived to be understood."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Give a man a fish and you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."
- Author Unknown

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Price of education
A drunk did all of his drinking at the same bar for years. One evening the bartender asked him, "You look a little long in the face tonight, what's up?" The drunk shared: "I'll tell you what's got me down. The price of education these days is killing me -- putting the kids through college has cost me a fortune." The bartender didn't understand, "You don't have any kids!" The drunk explained, "I mean your kids, the daytime bartender's kids, the barmaid's kids...."

DAILY QUOTA:

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day."
- Jesus

"I drink for the thirst to come."
- Francois Rabelais

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The Newcomer
A man is late getting to his AA meeting. Since it's already underway, he quietly pours himself a coffee and grabs a seat at the back of the room. While listening to someone share their story he notices an unfamiliar young man arrive. The poor chap doesn't take a chair -- he just stands near the door, shifting from foot to foot unable to stand still, looking around with eyes wide. He's never seen this fellow before, but is instantly reminded of himself years ago at his first meeting: suffering from withdrawl symptoms, insecure, nervous. So the man gets up and heads toward the new fellow, thinking that a welcoming handshake might help calm him down. But as he approaches, the newcomer leans toward him and says: "Quick, I'm gonna bust, where's the washroom?"

DAILY QUOTA:

"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives."
- Thoreau

"They who drink beer will think beer."
- Washington Irving

DAILY QUOTA:

"The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there."
- Robert Pirsig

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before."
- Mae West

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A Gadzillion Things To Think About

Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?

If you whine when you drink wine are you a whiner or a winer?

What's with those people who won't drink beer because of the taste? Who really drinks it for the taste anyway?

Could the reason why some people don't drink be because they wish to know when they are having a good time?

How do they put the metal can around the beer without spilling the beer?

You can view the whole list about Food - Beer/Wine/Liquor
or check out the rest of A Gadzillion Things To Think About

DAILY QUOTA:

"We love our habits more than our income, often more than our life."
- Bertrand Russell

"I don't drink because I have problems or I want to escape: I just love drinking and being drunk."
- Richard Harris

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Surgeon
The general manager at a hospital put off confronting one of his surgeons as long as he could. He didn't want to believe the man had a drinking problem, but he couldn't deny the evidence any longer. So he called him into his office to have a chat, "Lately your hands shake worse than ever when you operate. Is there anything you should tell me?" The alcoholic surgeon denied there was anything wrong, "My hands don't shake that bad, I'm just not as young as I used to be." The manager disagreed: "I think it's serious enough -- we've already had to replace three operating tables because you scratched them up."

DAILY QUOTA:

"If a retainer will just think about what he is to do for the day at hand, he will be able to do anything. If it is a single day's work, one should be able to put up with it. Tomorrow, too is but a single day."
- Yamamoto Tsunetomo

Peter: Lawrence, if you're having a really bad time, has anyone ever told you, 'Sounds like someone's got a case of the Mondays'?
Lawrence: No... No, man. Hell no, man. No, I believe you can get your ass kicked saying something like that, man.
- Mike Judge, 'Office Space'

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He wanted to help
A drunk was staggering his way home from the bar but didn't quite make it. As he lay at the entrance of his apartment building, a good-souled fellow came along and decided to help. After shaking him a bit to get him half-coherent he asked, "Which floor are you on?" The drunk managed to get a couple of words out, "Second floor." The man was able to get the drunk up the stairs to the second floor and asked, "Is this your door?" The drunk replied, "I think so." The man barely managed to push the door open, shoved the drunk in and went on his merry way. When he got downstairs, lo and behold, there was the same drunk passed out in the lobby. Not being a quitter, he dragged the barely conscious drunk up the stairs again and repeated the process. Getting back to the lobby he could barely believe his eyes -- there was the drunk yet again! But this time the drunk suddenly came to and became irate, "Help! Someone save me from this lunatic!" The man was confused, "What's the matter with you? I'm only trying to help!" But the drunk didn't buy it: "Really? Then why do you keep throwing me down the elevator shaft?"

DAILY QUOTA:

"We are in danger of forgetting that we cannot do what God does, and that God will not do what we can."
- Oswald Chambers

"I'm not normally a praying man; but if you're up there, please save me Superman!"
- Homer Simpson

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Number Five Idiot of 2003: "A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later."

Idiot Number Seven of 2003: "Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It ! seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape."
(The complete article can be viewed here: Author's Den)

DAILY QUOTA:

"The man who has no imagination has no wings."
- Muhammad Ali

"There's a party in my mind,
And I hope it never stops;
They party all the time,
Gonna party till they drop.
Other people can go home,
Other people they can split;
I can never stop,
I can never quit."
- David Byrne, lyrics from
'Memories Can't Wait'

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Recovery Jones Cartoons
A new link added to dryblog:
Recovery Jones Cartoons

Have a Sober and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

All Irish visitors to dryblog: This blog's for you!

DAILY QUOTA:

"May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
And the rains fall soft upon your fields;
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand."
- Irish Blessing

"But after I reached Ireland I used to pasture the flock each day and I used to pray many times a day. More and more did the love of God, and my fear of Him and faith increase, and my spirit was moved so that in a day I said from one up to a hundred prayers, and in the night a like number; besides I used to stay out in the forests and on the mountain and I would wake up before daylight to pray in the snow, in icy coldness, in rain, and I used to feel neither ill nor any slothfulness, because, as I now see, the Spirit was burning in me at that time."
- Saint Patrick

"We are not saints. The point is, that we were willing to grow along spiritual lines."
- The Big Book of 'Alcoholics Anonymous' p. 60

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Irish Jig
Q: How did the popular 'Irish Jig' get started?
A: Too much stout, not enough restrooms.

DAILY QUOTA:

"Good friends are good for your health."
- Irwin Sarason

"You may be called a drunken dog by some of the high collar and silk stocking gentry, but the real roughnecks will style you a jovial fellow."
- Davy Crockett

QUICK E-QUIP:

Up the stairs
A drunk got home late after after drinking beer with his buddies all night. He was making even more noise than usual, so his wife screeched from the bedroom upstairs, "What's with all the racket down there?" The drunk slurred back, "Sorry dear, but it's not easy trying to get a case of beer up the stairs." The wife was losing her patience, "Just come to bed and leave it downstairs!" The drunk replied, "I can't, I already drank it."

QUICK E-QUIP:

It gets better
A recovering alcoholic was new to sobriety and found himself experiencing severe mood swings. More experienced members at his recovery group assured him this would pass. He eagerly shared that news with his patient wife, "I know I've gone from being drunk all the time to being rather moody, but it will get better!" The wife nodded, "I understand that and I'm with you all the way. But the way I see it, things have already gotten better than just going from being drunk to being moody." The recovering alcoholic didn't understand, "How do you mean?" She explained: "You were quickly going from being drunk to being alone."

DAILY QUOTA:

"It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways."
- Buddha

"What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person, may seem like an absolute scream to another person -- especially if he has had between four and seven beers."
- Dave Barry

"Alcoholism: The urge to keep drinking is the first sign of an addiction"
Flash Animation narrated by Nicole Kidman (Runtime: 1 min)
Face The Issue

DAILY QUOTA:

"The best way to know God is to love many things."
- Van Gogh

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."
- Dave Barry

QUICK E-QUIP:

Newspaper
A drunk became almost unemployable because of his constant drinking, so he was happy to land a job selling newspapers on a street corner. Each day a certain businesswoman would drop 50 cents in the pay-and-run cup, but she never took a paper. She never said anything and the drunk never said a word, but he sure did appreciate the extra drinking money. One morning the same businesswoman dropped off 50 cents without taking a paper like she always did, and started walking away. Only this time the drunk just had to pipe up: "Not so quick lady, they increased the price to 75 cents."

DAILY QUOTA:

"Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives."
- Richard Bach

"Might as well go for a soda, nobody hurts and nobody cries;
Might as well go for a soda, nobody drowns and nobody dies;
Might as well go for a soda, it's better than slander, it's better than lies."
- Kim Mitchell, lyrics from 'Go for Soda'

QUICK E-QUIP:

Basement
Q: What do you call a bar in a basement?
A: A whine cellar.

DAILY QUOTA:

"Anyone who has never made a mistake, has never tried anything new."
- Albert Einstein

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
- Mark Twain

QUICK E-QUIP:

Making Supper
A drunk's wife was angry with him, probably for good reason. He decided to make her a nice supper, hoping that would bring her around. After her husband had been in the kitchen for over two hours, the wife thought she better go see what was happening. What she found didn't surprise her: There was her husband, drunk and opening another beer, while the kitchen was a complete disaster area. The wife asked him, "What's taking so long?" The drunk told her he had to refill the pepper shaker. The wife didn't see the connection, "Well, alright then, but refilling the pepper shaker shouldn't take two hours!" The drunk slurred back, "Oh, you don't think so? You try stuffing it through those little holes."

DAILY QUOTA:

"The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind."
- Wayne Dyer

"Drinking brings out our animal nature, making us drunk as a skunk, weasel-eyed, ratted, ... zoo'd, ripped as a newt, boiled as an owl, howling, hog-whimpering or roaring drunk. Those of us who drank too much at college dorm parties may also recall the extreme adjectives, even murder metaphors, of our youth - and indeed we probably did kill off parts of our brains and livers. They were generally grouped by method: sharp instrument (half-cut, ripped, let her rip, screwed), blunt instrument (hammered, smashed, whammed, slammed, stoned, ossified), poison (polluted, gassed, trashed), electrocution (wired, buzzed, zapped, blistered), hanging (tied one on, looped, strung out, twisted) and car accident (not firing on all cylinders, well-oiled, shellacked, lubricated, pumped up, totalled, mashed, wrecked). Then there was injury or death from no apparent cause (done in, ruined, obliterated, decimated, paralytic, legless, blind drunk, dead drunk)."
- Natalie MacLean, 'Drunk on Adjectives'

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New Job
A drunk showed up at a construction site for the first day of his new job. The foreman asked, "Can you do hard labor?" The drunk replied: "Not only can I, but a judge once told me that someday I would."

DAILY QUOTA:

"We see things not as they are, but as we are."
- John Milton

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
- Henny Youngman

QUICK E-QUIP:

Blind-drunk
The son of a drunk wanted to send his dad something special for his birthday. His drunk dad had always liked to read, but since he drank himself practically blind he wasn't able to do much reading. While browsing the Internet one day, the son spotted the perfect gift: a specially trained parrot that could read out loud. He immediately ordered it to be delivered to his dad on his birthday. The evening of that special day he phoned his dad and asked, "By the way dad, did you like the bird I sent?" The drunk dad replied: "Yes, that was very thoughtful of you. It would have been better if you were here to enjoy birthday dinner with me, but the bird was absolutely delicious."

DAILY QUOTA:

"Hear, my son, and be wise, and direct your mind in the way. Be not among winebibbers, or among gluttonous eaters of meat; for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and drowsiness will clothe a man with rags."
- Proverbs 23:19-20

"Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat."
- Dave Barry

QUICK E-QUIP:

Drunk Waiter
A couple were out for what they hoped would be a nice dinner. After a few minor incidents, they came to suspect that their waiter was drunk. Not caring to make a scene, they let it go and hoped for the best. After what seemed like forever, their soup was finally being served. That's when the man saw the last straw, "Enough is enough young man, your thumb is in my soup!" The drunk waiter replied: "Don't worry about me, the soup isn't hot anyway."

DAILY QUOTA:

"Before God, we are all equally wise -- and equally foolish."
- Albert Einstein

"I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case and the other case, we only got one case left."
- Barney Gumbal (The Simsons)

QUICK E-QUIP:

Brewery Truck
Did you hear about the cheap drunk who was tragically run over by a brewery truck?
It was the first time the drinks were on him.

QUICK E-QUIP:

Roof
Q: How do you get a drunk to climb on to a roof?
A: Tell him the drinks are on the house.

DAILY QUOTA:

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell."
- Buddha

"All excess is ill, but drunkenness is of the worst sort. It spoils health, dismounts the mind, and unmans men. It reveals secrets, is quarrelsome, lascivious, impudent, dangerous and bad."
- William Penn

DAILY QUOTA:

"There are two kinds of worries: those you can do something about and those you can't. Don't spend any time on the latter."
- Duke Ellington

"I have made an important discovery: that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication."
- Oscar Wilde

QUICK E-QUIP:

House
A drunk's wife was going over their financial statement. She shared her dismay with her alcoholic husband, "You know, with the cost of booze, you've probably drank the equivalent of a house by now!" The drunk just shrugged and said nothing. The wife continued: "The way I figure it, you must have drank at least a small bungalow, but at this rate, you're easily working toward a split-level with a double garage and all."

DAILY QUOTA:

"He who laughs, lasts."
- Mary Pettibone Poole

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
- Charles Schulz

QUICK E-QUIP:

Cheap & Selfish
A drunk is going out to do his daily drinking. As he's getting ready to leave the house, he says to his wife, "I'm off to the pub, put your coat on." The wife gets excited, "Really? You mean you're actually going to take me with you for a change?" The drunk replies: "No, but the rising cost of utilities is killing us so I'm turning the heat down until I get back."